Remember guy #1 from my last post??? Well, I cab only assume there was a reason he was listed as #1. I can to realize very shortly after that night with #2 that I was a complete ass for ever letting go of #1, even with his personal situation. I am at a point where I am not upset by his personal situation...I am so over that. I probably have myself in deeper than I figured I would be at this point, so let me explain... After the night I messed up and let him go, the other guy really hurt me and of course #1 was there for me. As he had been for a little bit before me hurting him. So naturally it did not take long at all for me to realize just how bad I had messed up. I knew deep down that I wanted the guy I had originally started talking to, I was just unsure that I could deal with some things that would be a big factor in a relationship with him. Those things of course still bother me, but I care way too much for him for it to be a problem. Things with him seem to move very quickly but it all feels right in my heart so I am just going with it and not questioning. We are both looking for the same things in life and seem to want them with each other. I hate seeing him upset or mad when things go wrong, I love to see him smile when things are good...yes, I do know everyone is like that. But he is so different than any man I have ever met. He gives me hope and faith in myself. He makes me want to be a better person for myself, my son, and him. He has renewed my faith in every thing. He has not changed me, but has helped me see where I want to make changes in myself. I cannot think of any time since we have started talking that he has not been on my mind. When I look ahead in my future, I can see him in it with me. I have expressed how much he means to me to him and told him just how much I adore him. All he asked was that I do not say I am in love with him. This is odd to me, being as if you feel it you should say it...you never know if you will always have that chance to whenever you want. I know what I am feeling is so much stronger than liking someone...I would even say it feels stronger than any love I have ever felt myself. So of course I have weighed the pros and cons of letting him know this...is it really love before I say it and possibly run him off? Let's see: 1. I think about him constantly and feel happy. 2. I cleary can see a future with him in it. 3. We both want the same things in life. 4. We have already begun to work on creating a family together. 5. Everything I do, I consider him in all aspects. 6. I still get nervous and butterflies when with him. 7. I cuddle and sniff the pillow that smells like him for days after he has been over to visit. 8. All I can think about is trying to make him happy. I am sure there are a lot more things I could say about him, but it is early in the morning/late at night and I really need to try and get a tiny bit more sleep because I have work today. Any way, just wanted to update and tell somebody how I am feeling. I know this won't scare you off, but I am not sure when he will be ready for me to tell him that I feel love for him. I want to tell him, I want to yell it at the top of my voice for all to hear...but I just don't want to push him away.

Karma really is a BITCH...

While sorting my head and heart I hurt someone...I had no intention of ever hurting anyone, instead I think I may have hurt myself...After talking to a really sweet guy he intro'd me to another guy (in hopes I had a friend for guy #2)...well #2 kinda hit me like a truck...I was drawn to every aspect of him...So I did the right thing by telling #1 that it would not work...for several reasons, the first being a personal situation he has himself in and second of course being I am attracted to #2...well #2 declared he felt the same as I...so long story short, me and #2 started persuing...here's the tricky part...I went to #2's house and things happened...good things...well #2 assured me that everything was still good...ended our conversation that night on a good note...we today I have not heard from him at all...I am starting to think I am a fool for believing in anything he had to say to me...I feel like an ass and an idiot for falling for his words and believing so much in him...I just hope that I am over reacting and being a typical girl about this...so now I can do nothing but wait for him to reach out to me...hoping and praying he did not lie...fingers crossed so tight right now...

Here We Go...

Apparently sleep is for the weak...I have not been to sleep at a normal time the past few weeks to save my life! Anyway, so I am laying in bed trying to get my sleep on with no help from the sand man and all I can hear is my son playing guitar. Don't get me wrong, he is amazing...but it is 1:11 am, lol. Obviously he hasn't had much sleep lately either. Guess I shall continue with my persuit of the demon I called sleep...lot's to do today (or tomorrow depending how you look at it)...list is long!

You Make Me Smile

Hello, I got a lot of stuff on my mind these days...first I met a boy! Well he is not quite a boy, he's indeed a man...he makes me feel really happy, smiley, girly, you name it! I feel pretty confident in this and don't worry too often about what he is thinking. But, any time I do start to have any doubt, he mentions something that reassures me every time. It's like he knows that I need to hear it or something. We are just that in tune with each other perhaps. Of course, I am not trying to rush anything with him. Taking my time and going with the flow, after all I don't want to make him feel crowded much less pressured or creeped out! He is really just a good guy that I have known for some time now. We went to high school together but never really got to know each other, not sure why. But after all this time I am finding out that he is totally different from teh boy I once may have percieved him to be. He is really a neato kinda person. So anyways, I will just keep on doing what I am doing and hope it maybe works out for the best.

I have a new job as a personal assistant. I really love this kind of work. It is just what I know and it is something I know I am good at. My boss is such a great person. We have a good bit in common. Both are single moms looking to just take care of our sons the best we can. She is a very talented hair stylist as well as her big business ideas. The big ideas are where I come in...I am here to make sure her ideas are up and running almost instantly after she expresses it. I welcome the challanges this job should bring to me.

I have been pretty sick lately. First I had some crap that I couldn't even begin to tell you what it was. I just know it had me knocked on my butt for a week and a half! I did get about 2 days without any sickness after though. But, of course now the congestion crap has set in and been here for 4 or so days now. This is not fun!

I have also begun to realize that I am a selfish person when God is involved. I was praying last night for things that one really should not pray or even wish for. I really felt horrible during this prayer. I had tears in my eyes as I began to ask for forgiveness for my greedy thoughts and wants. I then decided to pray for guidance to be a better person. A person who can be patient and trust that all things will come in their due time. I realize things tend to have a way of working themselves out. If anything is meant to be, it will happen. If it does not happen, it just means there is something better waiting for you to approach later. So now I am going to just let go and let God...I feel that he will never give me more than I can handle and I love and trust him with all that I am. He is loaning me this life to go to the next life with him...I refuse to keep putting this life through the heck that I have been lately. I am just gonna do what I know is right and life my life for HIM and as he intended for me to live.

I have been listening to a lot of music lately...old country, rock, rap, hip hop, you name it! I have found some mushy songs that are just must to listen to and I just melt when I do listen. Must be because of the guy from paragraph one, lol!

Well, I am going to close for now. I am going to end this with a few words that remind me of ole boy:

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can make me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Stupid things I did today...

Have you ever had a doctor that did not contact you when you had a slight mishap with a check not clearing? Seriously man, all you had to do was call and I would have taken care of it. A $15 check cost me $55 today at the DA's office. Are you sure that it was easier to send my check oversight to the DA for a warrant to be issued for my arrest? The damn check was only $15! So anyway, $55 later I am still a free woman with no arrest warrant for me. LMFAO, this was the stupidest shit I have ever had to deal with. Well almost the stupidest thing I have had to deal with. I have gotten to know the courthouse way too much lately. Oh well, ces't la vie!

I feel like I am being taken for a fucking fool all of the sudden. My son has no fucking clue how much he is slacking and breaking my heart. I cannot get him to do a damn thing he needs to do. Don't get me wrong, I love his girlfriend to death, but he is not taking care of his stuff and wants to continue to do everything in the world for/with her. I am afraid I am going to have to restrict his time with her or something until he starts doing his work. Sorry, frustration break there.

Anyway, I am done for tonight. I am so upset with the kid my train of thought has left the building. Sorry folks, be back tomorrow or later tonight.

I'm back and have every intention of keeping up with this thing...

First off, I have finally finished my book and I am having it reviewed by a highly qualified individual. Hopefully he will be done with it soon and I may possibly look at getting it published. Never thought I would consider publishing it, but hell...it can't hurt! I am also in the beginning stages of writing another book. This one is going to be better than the last. I have a good bit of ideas to carry me through this one a lot faster, i hope! So I hope that I can find a way to include some inserts from my first book on my blog, a teaser if you will. Maybe if you read a few inserts you will be so interested and want to read my book. Ok, marketing ploy is in tact, hahaha!

Second, let's talk toast...toast is good and toast is fun, right? I mean, who doesn't like to pierce toast now and then, lmfao! So what goes good with toast you might wonder...peanut butter! Nothing better than creamy peanut butter on a hot piece of toast! Hits the spot! Of course this reminds me that I am eating, what else...peanut butter! ritz crackers with peanut butter. I know this section, makes absolutely no sense to any of you. Of course my bestie will read this part and probably damn near piss herself!

Last thing for the night...do you believe in magic? I know I do! I am totally believing in the magic that love can bring. It's like the movie, The Prestige...love is grand! I love magic, I love magicians, and I love Australia! Catching any linkage there? Lmfao! Seriously, I believe magic exist and I believe I would like to create some magic. So I bought some books and plan to experiment with spells to start. Don't laugh, I am very serious.

So I am closing my randomness right here...thanks for reading. Hope I at least made you laugh!

I'm so sick, I'm so sick

Okay, not really. But I could be. I am about sick of the fake people out there these days. I have been running into them left and right, not even lying here folks. I have found out who I can and cannot trust, who is a friend and who is not a friend. I seem to attract users, seriously. People who want to be your friend because of who you know or talk to. People who want to sit beside you because of where your seat may be located. People who think they should be first in your world and Lord knows don't not answer their calls or texts. It has become an increasing popularity to just shit on Trina, lol. So of course fakie mcfakerson assumes the "shit stance" and commences to drop a load of crap right on my head! The past 3-4 years have had these people appearing out of no where and then in my face. It is unreal! I don't approve of half, much less any, of the shit they do with themselves. While they are making themselves look like a big pile of poop, they are dragging me down with them. I am not a user, therefore I do not fit in with this. How to lose a user in 10 days, I need this movie. No really I need this movie or book or cliff notes if that is all you have.